I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
