I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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