Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
