my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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