I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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