My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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