DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
