dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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