I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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