I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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