the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
