My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
