So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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