if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
