You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
