Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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