the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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