Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize