So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
