I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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