So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
