he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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