is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
