You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
