I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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