I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
