i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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