Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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