I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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