she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize