Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
