His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
