Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
