guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
