phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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