If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
