i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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