we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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