I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
