Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.

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(904): View more from Florida

it glows. i had to have it.

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(352): View more from Florida

You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

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(540): View more from Virginia

my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed

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(647): View more from Ontario

I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.

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(706): View more from Georgia

WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?

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