I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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