doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
