i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
