there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
