I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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