I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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