So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize