Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
