birth control should be required to get into college
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
