Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
