Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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