You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
