So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
