I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
