Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she peed on how many people?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
