and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
