So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize