Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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