I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize