Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
