I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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