just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize