call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize