my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
