So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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