I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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