And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
