Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
