I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
